Rabbit in Your Headlights
by Petroica traversi
Summary: Stan's pretty sure he and Kyle are meant to be together. But after inadvertently breaking Kyle's heart in their senior year, will their relationship ever come to fruition? M for language and possible sexual situations.
1. Prologue

I only have the vaguest idea of where I'm going with this, but it's been in my head for a few days, so what the hell?

Blah blah blah, I don't own South Park.

_Prologue _

Kenny had been Stan's first. It had started out as harmless experimentation... Stan had thought that maybe, just maybe, he might be in love with Kyle. The feelings had started when puberty hit. Even the slightest glance from his best friend seemed significant. But he just couldn't quite figure out what he was feeling.

Girls were still appealing sometimes. Even though Wendy had dumped him years before, he was still turned on by memories of getting to second base with her. And other girls in the class could also provoke a reaction from him, when they dressed a certain way, or flirted with him. Stan was a teenaged boy, and the thought of damn near anything sexual turned him on. So maybe he was in love with Kyle, and wanted to fuck him into oblivion. Or maybe he was confusing his feelings of friendship with something else.

So somewhere during his junior year, when his feelings reached a fever point, he went to the only person he knew he could talk to about sex and not feel embarrassed: Kenny.

And Kenny had been more than willing to help him out.

What had begun as just an awkward conversation turned into more when Kenny leaned in to kiss him. Stan had protested, but then Kenny had said, "Just to see if you're really into dudes..." and it had all been downhill from there.

He'd fucked Kenny the first time. Kenny fucked him the next time. And thus began their no-strings-attached sexual relationship, that lasted nearly a year before the worst person possible caught them in the act, after they'd snuck into an empty bedroom during one of Token's epic parties.

Almost anyone else would have kept their mouth shut, especially after the hours of pleading Stan had done to keep their secret a secret. But Cartman wasn't anyone else. Cartman relished his opportunity to humiliate Stan. And of course, there was the extra bonus of breaking Kyle's heart.

Kyle was not confused about his feelings. He wasn't bi-curious, and unlike Stan, and he had no illusions about what his feelings for his best friend meant. He knew he was gay. Gay, gay, gay. And desperately, madly in love with Stan.

He'd never confessed to anyone, of course. Despite most people in South Park being fairly open-minded about sexuality, he was still very self-conscious about his image. He didn't want to be "the gay kid". It was hard enough being the only Jewish kid, and the smartest kid in school on top of that. He didn't even want _those_ labels, really. He just wanted to be Kyle.

So he wrote about it in a journal he kept very, very hidden. He wrote about how he felt when Stan looked at him a certain way. He wrote about all the times he'd have to fight his intense urges to just lean over and kiss the other boy all over his face and lips. He wrote about the uncomfortable times when Stan would stay the night, and he'd wake up in the middle of the night with an erection and would have to relieve himself in the bathroom, terrified that if the other boy knew, their friendship would be over. He wrote about the times in the morning when the sky turned a shade of blue that exactly matched Stan's eyes, and how even that made his heart flutter. He wrote, in great detail, all the wonderful, painful feelings he was having dealing with the love that he assumed was one-sided.

What he didn't take into account was that Eric Cartman was a crafty sonofabitch, who would stop at nothing to get dirt on his frenemy, including spending hours in Kyle room while he was out, searching through everything until he found something incriminating. Kyle's journal had been a goldmine.

When Kyle arrived home from synagogue one Friday night to see Eric sitting on his bed with a wicked grin on his face and Kyle's journal in his hands, he'd first started screaming obscenities at the bigger teen, and then started to cry.

Crying wasn't something Kyle did often, but he couldn't help it this time. He knew Cartman knew the things he'd wanted to keep most hidden, and he was totally at the other boy's mercy. They'd come to some terms of agreement (which included Kyle doing Cartman's homework whenever he asked, and coming over once a week to do laundry and clean, among other things), and Cartman promised that as long as Kyle went along with it, he'd never tell anyone. And he kept his side of the bargain.

Their agreement had lasted five months. Five months of Kyle acquiescing to Cartman any time they disagreed. Five months of Kyle being forced to do anything Cartman wanted. Five months of Kyle giving up all his free time to make sure Cartman was passing all his classes. Five months, before Cartman walked in on Kenny giving Stan a blowjob at Token's party, and realized he could kill two birds with one stone: breaking Kyle's heart _and_ humiliating Stan.

Cartman knew the best method in this situation was to be subtle. If he flat-out told everyone what he'd seen, people would accuse him of lying. Rumors were the best way to go.

So he'd found Bebe, who was the school's most notorious gossiper, and told her _someone_ had seen Stan and Kenny in a compromising position in an upstairs bedroom. She'd bought it hook, line, and sinker, and by the time the two boys had rushed downstairs with flushed faces, everyone was talking about them.

Cartman had no intention of telling Kyle. He figured word would get to him soon enough. And he was right.

Um. Ah. Reviews, please?


	2. Never Meant It

Woo, thanks for the reviews, guys! I love feedback. The wangst staaaaartssss NOW.

Kyle wasn't well enough to go to school until Tuesday. He approached the building with trepidation; no one had spoken to him since Saturday afternoon, and all his texts to his friends had been unanswered. He felt that, perhaps, he had done something wrong, but couldn't think of what that might be. Sometimes when he and Stan had a spat, they'd go a few days without speaking, but that never applied to anyone else.

Walking into school, Kyle immediately noticed things were... well, weird. Everyone seemed to be whispering and giving him sneaky glances. Terror seized his heart, and all he could think as he walked to his locker was, "_They know, they know, they know._"

Cartman must have told everyone... That was the only explanation for the weird looks he was getting. He'd broken his promise, and outed Kyle to the entire school. Why else would everyone be giving him looks that ranged from pitying to malicious?

Approaching his locker, he saw Cartman and Kenny standing near it talking. Kyle opened his mouth to rip Cartman a new one, when Kenny walked forward, grabbed him by the arm, and steered him away.

"Kenny, what are you doing?"

"We need to talk, Kyle."

"Kenny, I don't know what Cartman told you, but-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I need to tell you this before you hear it from someone else. Kyle... Stan and I were... well, I guess fuck buddies is the best term. Stan and I were sleeping together, and someone at the party on Saturday found out, and now _everyone_ knows. I'm sorry."

The room had filled with water... that was the only explanation for how Kyle was feeling. Suddenly there was no air, and there was an intense pressure on his chest, and his face had somehow gotten wet.

"What-" he stopped to wipe the tears from his face, "What are you apologizing for?"

Kenny gave him a sympathetic look, "Because I know how you feel about him. It's obvious; at least to me it is. I'm sure no one else knows. But... this thing between him and me, it didn't mean anything. It was just... he was trying to figure stuff out, you know? He... he really cares about you."

"Cartman knows, actually, and what do you mean by 'figure stuff out', and WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S OBVIOUS?"

Kenny glanced around the hall. Several students had stopped when Kyle had screamed at him. "Maybe we should take this conversation somewhere else."

Kyle gave a defeated sigh, "No, you know what? I don't want to talk about this anymore. Not with you, not with Stan, not anyone else. I'm done with it."

Kenny tried to grab Kyle's arm as he stalked away, but Kyle just shook him off and darted through the crowd of kids milling around, until Kenny lost sight of him.

"That was amazing."

"Shut up, Cartman."

Kyle spent most of the rest of the day hiding in the bathroom, crying. He didn't care about missing class, or lunch, and he certainly didn't care when several of his friends came into the bathroom to try and get him to come out.

He'd never felt this bad about anything in his life. If Stan was gay, why hadn't he said something? And why was he with Kenny?

All his feelings of inadequacy came to the surface, and he kept asking himself over and over, if Stan had stuff he needed to "figure out", why hadn't he come to him? Did he not trust him anymore? Did he not love him, even in a friendly way? And thinking that he'd rather sleep with Kenny than him... why? Kyle suddenly felt too ugly, and like too much of a burden to even deal with Stan anymore. Maybe he was annoyed with Kyle's chronic sicknesses. Maybe he thought he was too naggy, or pushy. Maybe he didn't care about Kyle at all, and only hung out around him out of habit... or worse, maybe it was just because Kyle also spent time with Kenny, and Stan just wanted to be around his whatever-he-was-to-him.

This morose train of thought was interrupted when the object of his affections came into the bathroom to find him. From his place in the locked stall, he could hear the awkward shuffling, and then Stan softly say his name. The sound of it drove shivers down Kyle's spine. Why did it have to be this way? Why was Stan only coming to him now?

"Go AWAY!" he shouted through the stall door.

"Kyle, we need to talk."

Kyle was starting to hate those words.

"Please just open the door and let me talk to you. Ok? Please?"

Kyle reluctantly unlatched the door, and stepped out of the stall. Maybe it was better to just get this over with, because he knew his best friend would be relentless until he gave in. He wondered just how much Stan knew about him. If Kenny'd figured out his secret, and Cartman already knew, surely it must have gotten around to Stan by this point, either by word of mouth, or him just figuring it out on his own.

"Hi," said Stan, looking relieved.

Kyle just mumbled something at him and stared at the floor, trying to fight the next wave of tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes.

"Look, Kyle... Um. Are you upset at me? Because I'm... you know... gay?"

Kyle's head snapped up, and he stared incredulously at Stan. Did he really not know? A rush of anger overtook him.

"B-because you're gay? God, Stan, how fucking blind are you? Why would I be in here crying my eyes out for an entire day just because my best friend is gay? I'm not _that_ sensitive, and besides, when have you ever known me to be uncomfortable with homosexuality? Y-you're s-so stupid!" he finished, as the tears began to pour from his eyes in earnest once again.

Stan shuffled his feet uncomfortably, at a loss for what to say or do. He reached forward to wipe the tears from Kyle's face, but his best friend shoved his hand away violently.

"Don't touch me!"

"Kyle... I don't understand what's going on."

"Why, Stan... why Kenny?"

"What?"

Kyle just stood and sobbed, and pushed Stan's hands away each time he tried to reach out and comfort his friend.

"I... I don't... Why are you so upset, Kyle? What do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave me alone, Stan. Please, please just go away and leave me alone."

Stan stood there awkwardly for a minute, trying to catch his breath. He didn't understand what the problem was... If Kyle didn't care that he was gay, then what was it? But his crying friend was clearly not about to divulge any information at the moment, so with a strange, choked sound coming from his throat, he turned on his heel and walked out the bathroom door.

That was the last time they'd speak for nearly two years.


	3. Another Saturday Night

Stan sighed as he flipped through his Calc homework. Another boring night of studying. During most of high school he'd had Kyle there to help him with his homework, and keep him entertained in the meantime. But after several awkward attempted conversations, which only resulted in Kyle either running off crying or just glaring at him like he'd kicked a puppy, Stan had given up on trying to talk to Kyle, much less getting him to help with his homework. And then, once high school had ended, they'd both gone off to different schools. Kyle had run off to the University of Colorado in Boulder for pre-med stuff, and Stan had chosen Colorado State in Fort Collins for its vet program. The two towns were only about an hour apart, but it felt to Stan as though they were on separate continents.

For his part, Stan had tried to move on. He'd dated a few different guys, but none of them lived up to his standards... which is to say none of them were Kyle. They didn't laugh at all his stupid jokes, they didn't get what he was talking about when he brought up the insanity of South Park, and moreover they weren't skinny little red-headed Jews with enough combined anger and compassion to keep Stan going through the everyday bullshit of his life. He missed his best friend desperately, and more than that, he regretted that they'd never had an opportunity to become more than that.

He'd heard from Kenny that Kyle had come out of the closet himself at his high school graduation party. Stan hadn't been invited to that one, something that still bothered him immensely, even though it had been nearly two years ago.

Kenny had also moved to Fort Collins to attend the local community college's auto repair program-though Stan suspected it was mostly to stay close to him. Though he apparently still talked to Kyle and even hung out with him occasionally, their relationship had become somewhat chilly, and since he'd never wanted to be very close to Cartman, Stan suspected that Kenny had just followed the only friend left he could count on, despite there being auto-repair programs in several other Colorado towns.

But their sexual relationship, which had never gone much beyond that, had ended for the most part. On rare occasions they'd get drunk and wake up naked next to each other, but after the Kyle fiasco Kenny apparently felt too bad to continue being with Stan regularly. He'd never told Stan about Kyle's feelings, figuring it wasn't his place. But he'd be damned if he was going to keep carrying on with Stan as if Kyle's feelings didn't matter.

But two years had passed, and Kenny had gotten sick of dealing with two people who clearly missed each other, but were too stubborn to fix things. Little did Stan know, he had a plan to at least get them to talk to each other again. It was time for the stalemate to end.

XXX

Stan scowled as he drove to the house Kenny shared with a few roommates. Kenny was having a party tonight, "just for fun," he'd said, but he'd told Stan to look sharp. He was worried that Kenny was going to try and hook him up with some guy-it wouldn't be the first time-but he decided to comply anyway. There was no harm in looking good, he figured, even if he wasn't really in the mood for a party.

He parked his car and wandered toward Kenny's house. From almost a block away he could tell the party was already in full swing, with cars parked bumper to bumper out front, and a few people laughing drunkenly on the small lawn. He was fine with that; he'd found the best ways to handle Kenny's parties was to arrive fashionably late, get plastered, and then call a cab before things got out of hand.

He found Kenny in the living room, with a blonde girl on his lap.

"Yo, Staaaaan!" he exclaimed as he jumped up, nearly dumping the girl on the floor, who just gave him an indignant stare before sidling up to another guy on the sofa.

"How's it going, bro? Just get here?" Kenny said, clumsily embracing Stan. He was clearly three sheets to the wind already. "Why don't you have a drink? You need a drink!"

Stan just laughed and allowed Kenny to lead him into the kitchen, but he froze when he walked through the door. The kitchen was deserted save for two people. One was a brunette man, decked out in hipster garb and a scowl on his face, and apparently getting an earful from the small redheaded guy who had his back to Stan and Kenny. But Stan didn't need to see his face to know exactly who the redhead was. He knew that hair. He knew that stance. And he definitely knew that voice, even though it had been so long since he'd last heard it.

The brunette opened his mouth to shout something back at the redhead, but quickly noticed they were no longer alone. He lifted his eyes to glare at the intruders, and Kyle turned to see who he was looking at.

"Oh, fuck," was all he said.

XXX

Despite their argument no longer being private, Kyle and the brunette hipster (whose name was Joe and was Kyle's boyfriend, Stan would learn later) carried on screaming at each until until Joe had finally had enough, and walked out of the party, taking his keys with him. Effectively abandoned, Kyle had just glared awkwardly at Stan and Kenny until somehow Kenny'd managed to push the two former friends out together onto his deck, shouting, "Time to hug it out!" before shutting the door on them.

This was how Stan found himself sitting awkwardly next to Kyle on a wooden bench, nursing a beer and wondering what the hell had just happened.

"So..." he started nervously, "Um. So you hate me. And I still don't know why."

Kyle just sighed and gave him an exasperated look.

"I don't hate you, Stan. I never did."

"Oh, bullshit, Kyle. You get upset at me over something, but refuse to tell me what, and then stop talking to me completely. I thought our friendship was better than that."

"Stan," Kyle sighed again, "I... really, I never hated you. I hate what you did to me, though. You've always meant more to me than anyone else, and you broke my heart. You made me feel worthless. How could I still be friends with you after you hurt me like that?"

Stan was silent for a second, before giving in to his confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what do I mean?"

"Kyle, I don't... how did I break your heart? I don't understand. I've _never_ understood. Me sleeping with Kenny upset you for some reason. I get that part. But you obviously don't care that I'm gay, so I still can't figure out what about that bothers you so much. Or why you wouldn't speak to me after that day."

"Oh come on, Stan, don't play dumb, you must know. Kenny or Cartman or someone must have told you."

"Told me what?"

Kyle and Stan stared at each other, both with confused looks upon their faces, and then Kyle took a swig of his beer, setting it back in his lap and fiddling with the label on it, never breaking eye contact with Stan.

"How do you not know, Stan? I mean barring the fact that everyone from South Park is always eager to divulge everyone else's secrets, you're not an idiot... there's no way... I mean shit, even _Craig_ knew, apparently, since awkwardly gave me condolences at my graduation party..."

Stan was getting sick of dancing around whatever Kyle did or did not want him to know.  
>"Will you just tell me?"<p>

"Jesus, fine, you want to know? I've been in love with you for as long as I remember, and then _you__fucked__Kenny_! And then I found out, like, second-hand from the person you were fucking, after every other person in the school already knew! So you apparently couldn't even trust me enough to talk to me about it, about being gay or your sex life or whatever, and obviously you'd never love me back, and I couldn't even look at you anymore because it just fucking hurt too bad, ok? You hurt me! I just don't understand! I mean, Kenny is great; he's one of my best friends, but he isn't _me_. I always thought that even if you never loved me back, I was still the most important person in your life; the person you'd come to with all your problems and your secrets. And finding out all of a sudden that I wasn't just killed me, Stan. I couldn't handle it! And not seeing or speaking to you is the only thing I know to do! It still hurts, but I've tried my best to move on, and then Kenny invites me to this party, and Jesus he must have done it on purpose, God damn it."

Stan stared in shock as Kyle tried to control his emotions. His face was flushed, and there were tears gathering in his eyes, but he was no longer making eye contact with Stan, just staring intently at the beer bottle in his lap.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, Stan sipping from his beer, and Kyle sniffing and wiping his eyes, until Stan spoke again.

"I never meant to hurt you, Kyle. That's the last thing I wanted."

Kyle made an incredulous sound, but Stan held his hand up to stop him from objecting.

"I... well, maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but I went to Kenny in the first place because I didn't know what else to do. I was confused. I... I had all these feelings, for you, mostly, and I just wanted to sort things out. I wasn't even sure if I was gay or just hormonal or what it was. But I was afraid to talk to you about it because I didn't want you to get the wrong idea or get scared or... something. I don't know. It was stupid. I didn't think you were gay, and I didn't want to scare you off by talking to you about it, because you were the one I really wanted. But I've always loved you, Kyle. You _were_ the most important person in the world to me. You still are. I miss you more than you can imagine."

Kyle was silent for a moment, and then sighed.

"I find it hard to believe that you didn't know I was gay. I mean, hell, _everyone_ knew."

"Well, maybe I was just in denial or something. Or maybe I was just so caught up in my own confusion that I never really thought about it. But even if you were, I had no way of knowing how you felt about me. I mean, to be fair, you never talked to _me_ about it, either."

Kyle downed the rest of his beer, and then looked back up at Stan.

"Well, that's all well and good, Stan, but I've moved on. I have a boyfriend. I have a _life_. You can't just spring all this shit on me and then expect us to walk off into the sunset together, you know?"

"What, you mean that douchebaggy hipster you were fighting with?  
>"Yes, Stan," Kyle said with a scowl, "His name is Joe, and we've been together over a year"<p>

"Seems like a nice, stable relationship," Stan said sarcastically.

"Well what was I supposed to do, huh?" Kyle shouted, "Wait for my knight in fucking shining armor to come rescue me? He's nice enough and we're happy enough, and fuck you, really."

"Oh yeah, seems like a great guy, ditching you and leaving you without a ride an hour away from home."

Kyle glared at Stan, and then blushed and turned away, throwing his empty beer bottle across the yard, almost smiling when it hit a metal lawn chair and shattered. Then he stood up, wiping the dirt from his ass.

"Well anyway," he said, "he's usually not that bad. He just hates Fort Collins."

"Why?"

"He's a Boulderite, born and bred. They all have their prejudices, just because of the stupid college rivalry. I don't really get it, myself, Fort Collins seems way nicer than Boulder."

"You could always transfer," Stan said with a smile.

Kyle just laughed and shook his head, and then went to get more beer for the both of them.

XXX

Well, hi, guys. Sorry for the lack of updates. School and stuff, yada yada yada. I had a good idea for another fic but I decided I should try and finish this and my other WIP before I start on something new. Probably.

Random, but I just want to say I hate going with the stereotype of Kenny being a mechanic, but I think it makes sense for him. Like, he's smart, but I don't feel like he'd have the attention span for a four-year degree. And unlike some authors, I guess, I don't think he'd be a worthless fuck-up, either. So something like a mechanic or carpenter or something makes sense to me. Yeah. Anyway. Until next time.


	4. One Day More

By 2am, Kyle's boyfriend had not returned, and wasn't answering Kyle's calls or texts, either. Faced with the prospect of spending the night in Fort Collins, he'd briefly considered staying at Kenny's, but the party was showing no signs of stopping, and he didn't really want to spend the night around a bunch of drunken, horny college students.

Which is why, an hour later, he found himself wrapped up in blankets on Stan's sofa, warm and cozy, but still fretting over how awkward the whole thing was. He hadn't really wanted to stay at Stan's, especially since they were still so uncomfortable with each other, even after an hour or so of strained small talk. But it beat trying to duke it for floor space with a bunch of drunken assholes. Stan's apartment was small, but it was quiet and clean, and that's all that mattered to Kyle at the moment.

He snuggled into his makeshift bed, and realized his pillow and blanket both smelled very strongly of Stan. Kyle slept better that night than he had in years.

He awoke the next morning to warm sunlight on his face, beaming through the leaves on the tall cottonwood outside Stan's building. He felt disoriented for a minute, since, as a creature of habit, it was rare for him to spend the night somewhere other than his own or his boyfriend's apartment, but a noise in the kitchen brought his attention to Stan, who looked like he was fixing a pot of coffee. The events of the previous night came rushing back to Kyle, who still hadn't quite processed them.

So Stan still had feelings for him. And he still had feelings for Stan, although they were still muddled with traces of self-doubt, anger, and a heavy sense of betrayal. He wasn't sure where they should go from here; they could try and fix their friendship, or try for something more serious, or Kyle could just go back home to Boulder and pretend none of this ever happened. In his mind, the last option seemed the wisest, but he knew in his heart that things would only get worse for him if he did that. He _did_ miss Stan.

His thoughts were interrupted by Stan turning to him, grinning when he noticed that Kyle was awake.

"Morning," he said, "Want some coffee?"

Kyle nodded and sat up on the sofa, kicking the blankets down to the end. Stan sat down next to him and handed him a cup, prepared just the way he liked it. Kyle couldn't decide if he was annoyed or flattered that Stan could remember a small detail like that, so instead he just sipped his coffee and smiled.

"So," Stan started, "What are your plans for the day?"

"Well I have to figure out how the hell I'm getting home. If his highness Joe isn't willing to come get me I'm not sure what I'll do. Steal a car?"

"I could drive you home, if you wanted."

"Stan, that's a long way to drive just because my stupid boyfriend is being an asshole. I wouldn't make you do that."

Stan made a face at that. "Well, I wouldn't mind. You could just hang out here though, if you wanted. Oh, we could go get breakfast! There's a great place a few blocks from here called the Mayor of Old Town, and-"

"Jesus, Stan, let me finish my coffee first, ok?"

Stan looked wounded, but said nothing, and sipped from his own cup of coffee. Kyle preferred the silence between them... he kind of always had. Not that conversations with Stan were tedious or unpleasant. On the contrary, when they were best friends they'd always had great conversations, whether they were serious, or just bullshitting around. But Kyle had always enjoyed the times in which they could just sit side by side in silence, soaking up each others' company and enjoying the moment. Although Kyle couldn't exactly say he was enjoying this particular moment very much. He could feel Stan's eyes upon him, and was trying very hard to ignore the sensation he was getting; as though Stan wanted nothing more than to eat him up. Kyle had very mixed feelings on the subject.

Sure, he could let things go back to the way they used to be between them, before Kenny. Or hell, he could just as easily hop into bed with Stan right now, get all that sexual tension out of his system, and go back to his life. But he didn't think that was what he wanted. He wasn't even sure what he _did_ want, but it was certainly more than just a one night... or day, he supposed, stand with his former best friend.

He set his now-empty coffee cup down on the end table, and turned to smile at Stan, who still had a very serious look on his face.

"So? How about this breakfast place of yours?"

XXX

The Mayor of Old Town was one of Stan's favorite places in town. A short walk from his apartment, it served great food, and had 100 beers on tap, something that Stan could appreciate at least in theory... he was still several months away from being 21, but he planned on spending many wonderfully drunken nights at the bar after he reached that milestone. Kyle grinned as Stan told him all this while they were waiting for their food. He'd heard that people in Fort Collins tended to be major beer snobs, due in part to the they wide variety of great breweries in town, and it seemed as though Stan was becoming a victim to this as well. It was a far cry from the watery beer that was a staple in South Park.

Kyle's phone rang as the food arrived, and he glared at the screen upon seeing who it was.

"Well hey, Joe," he said, answering it, "So nice of you to call me."

"Hey yourself, princess. If you're done being a little bitch I can come pick you up now," Joe replied, over the phone.

"I'm sorry if you think me disagreeing with you makes me 'a little bitch', but you didn't have to fucking leave me here. Yes, please come get me. I should be at my friend's apartment when you get up here. It's a little ways away from Kenny's house," Kyle replied, watching the expression on Stan's face darken.

"Fine, fine, give me the address."

After relaying the address from Stan, Kyle hung up his phone and turned back to him.

"We have about an hour," he said, and started eating his bagel.

Stan nearly scarfed down his food, and though Kyle ate at a more reasonable pace, he had finished his meal by the time Stan was waving the waitress down for the check. He refused to let Kyle even look at it, handing the waitress his card before Kyle could protest properly.

"You can pay next time," he said with a smile, and Kyle huffed.

"You say that as if you're sure there's going to _be_ a next time."

"Isn't there? I mean, don't you at least want to hang out some time?" Stan looked hurt as he said this.

"Well, we'll see. I'm not saying no. I just... I don't know how to work you back into my life in a way that would work out for either of us. And I'm still not over... _that_."

Stan didn't push the issue, and led Kyle back to his apartment. They chatted about school along the way, discovering that they were in a lot of similar classes. As they walked through the apartment door, Kyle was in the middle of a rant about his psychotic Geography teacher when Stan closed the door behind them, and then grabbed Kyle by the arm.

"Stan! What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kiss you," he said, pulling Kyle closer to him.

"Wh-But... That's a bad idea."

"Why?" Stan asked, pulling Kyle's face toward his.

"Because, dumbass, I have a boyfriend!"

"I'm sorry, Kyle, but your boyfriend is an asshole," Stan breathed right onto Kyle's lips.

"Well that doesn't give you the right to-"

His angry tirade was cut off by Stan's lips crushing against his. All his anger at Stan, all his worries about the future of their relationship, even his concern for his boyfriend were all thrown out the window, and replaced with the memory of how much he'd wanted this in high school. It was better than he'd ever imagined; Stan's soft lips against his, their tongues sliding together gently. No one had ever kissed him like this. He moaned and wrapped his arms around Stan's neck, trying to pull him even closer, though it was impossible with their bodies already pressed flush against each other. He found himself being pulled slowly toward the sofa, and didn't resist as Stan laid him down upon it, still kissing him and sighing into his mouth. Stan was already hard in his pants, and wasn't shy about letting Kyle know it, grinding into him as he began to kiss his neck. Kyle moaned and rubbed his hips against Stan's, but nearly jumped out of his skin when suddenly someone was pounding on the apartment door.

"Kyle, are you in there?" he heard Joe shouting irritably, "Come on, I don't have all day!"

Kyle shoved Stan off him, mumbling an apology as he made his way to the door.

"Kyle-" Stan started, reaching out for him from the sofa.

"Sorry, Stan, I have to go. I'll... I'll call you or something."

And with one last, apologetic look, Kyle walked out the door.


	5. Headlights Look Like Diamonds

So, ah, a word of warning, this chapter contains a brief non-con scene. That's a polite way of saying rape. So, ah, you may wish to avoid it if you're really bothered by that sort of thing.

XXX

The ride home to Boulder was tortuous, at best. Joe, who never really trusted anyone, not even Kyle, had immediately suspected that something had happened between him and Stan. And Kyle, not wanting to inflict the Wrath of Joe upon himself, lied through his teeth, denying everything, claiming Stan was just a friend.

It was partly true, he rationalized. They hadn't done any of the things Joe had accused him of. Yes, they had kissed, but it hadn't gone much farther than that, and it didn't necessarily mean anything. The kiss had been nice... wonderful, even, but Kyle held grudges, and he still wasn't over his feelings of betrayal.

But as the week wore on, Kyle found himself thinking more and more of Stan. He found himself daydreaming in class, and at his job at the school library, envisioning what might have happened had Joe not knocked on the door when he did.

On Thursday he was daydreaming at work once again. Mid-afternoons at the library were always pretty slow, and most people at the circulation desk took the opportunity to do homework or play on the computers. Kyle usually used the time to study, but today he was in the middle of imagining Stan taking him hard over his kitchen counter when he noticed Kenny walking in the front door. He rarely saw anyone from South Park in Boulder, so it was slightly jarring to see his friend so out of context.

"Hey dude!" he called, walking up to the desk, "Glad you're here and not, like, helping some old lady find a book, or whatever else it is you do. I didn't want to have to scour this whole building for you."

Kyle just blinked at him in surprise.

"What are you doing here, dude?"

"Ah, well," Kenny said, leaning against the circulation desk, "I had some business to attend to in town, and thought you might want to hang out. Get some dinner or something. You're usually off at 5, right?"

Kyle nodded, and glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes left of his shift, and he was really hungry, as he always was by the end of the day. So half an hour later he found himself sitting across from Kenny at a restaurant near campus called the Sink.

"So," Kenny started, casually stealing one of Kyle's pizza breadsticks, "Stan told me."

Kyle nearly choked on the soda he was sipping, and stared at Kenny in shock.

"Um, told you what?" he asked, trying to play it cool. Kenny just rolled his eyes at him.

"Yeah, that you guys made out for like two glorious minutes before your asshole boyfriend came banging on the door. Stan said it was like a bucket of cold water being dumped on him. And then you ran out like a whipped bitch."

"...Joe isn't an asshole," Kyle said, though he knew that was a lie. They'd had some massive fights before, sometimes coming to blows. Kyle knew he could do better, but what was the point? He'd long since given up on what he really wanted.

"Ah, so you aren't denying that you and Stan made out? I'm surprised."

"Kenny," Kyle whined at him.

"Kyle," Kenny whined back in a mocking tone, stealing another pizza breadstick, "I'm _not_surprised that something happened between you two, really. I mean, the only real reason Stan never made a move on you was because he was never sure what exactly your orientation was. And he was afraid you'd reject him, on the off chance that you were gay."

"Oh please," said Kyle with a scowl, "I find it hard to believe that he couldn't figure that stuff out. I mean we _were_ best friends."

"Well Stan was never sure, and he was too chickenshit to try anything. You're kind of scary, you know."

Kyle nervously sipped on his soda again. He and Kenny had never discussed the "Stan situation", as Kyle thought of it, and he wasn't really sure how to proceed with the conversation. For all he knew, Stan and Kenny's fling had been a serious relationship. The whole thing still made him feel incredibly insecure, even though it had been a few years ago. Luckily for him, Kenny could tell where Kyle's train of thought was leading him.

"Look, Kyle... Stan loves you. He's always loved you. He was with me because he was afraid he'd mess things up with you."

"And look how well that worked out for him!"

"Well, I'm not going to pretend like things weren't fucked up there for a while, but you really need to let it go. Give Stan a chance. Seriously, every time he came over to my house when we were teenagers he'd always talk about you. Even before we, you know, it was always, 'Kyle this,' and 'Kyle that.' He wanted _you_, not me. It was kind of insulting, actually. And here you both are with your golden opportunity, _finally_, and you're just going to throw that away? Stan's a good guy, you know that. You should give him a second chance."

Kyle paused for a moment as the waiter brought out their food, scowling at Kenny the whole time. Kenny, as usual, was unperturbed by Kyle's surly attitude, and started to dig in to his burger with glee.

"Look, Kenny," Kyle started, fiddling with his silverware. This conversation was quickly making him lose his appetite."I don't know if you've noticed this, but I have a boyfriend, you know?"

"Yeah, a boyfriend who treats you like shit. I mean, for fuck's sake, even if you don't go running into Stan's open arms, you should dump that cock face. You deserve better."

Kyle sighed, picking up his own burger. "I'll take that into consideration," he said, and Kenny let the subject drop.

XXX

Friday nights were always date nights for Kyle and Joe. Kyle's only class that day got out at noon, and they'd usually spend the afternoon and evening together, before Kyle hunkered down for his weekend study sessions.

On this particular Friday, they'd gone down to Denver to see some artsy-fartsy movie Joe had been talking about for ages, and then headed back up to Boulder for dinner at Kyle's apartment. During the drive home Joe hadn't stopped talking about the film for five seconds, analyzing it nearly frame for frame. He didn't seem to care if Kyle was listening to him or not, which was a good thing, considering Kyle's mind was elsewhere. He was wondering if Stan had any interest in pretentious independent films now that he was in college, and tried to envision him talking about such things, with hipster glasses on his face and an American Spirit cigarette in his hand. The image was comical, at best, and Kyle gave up on it as they reached his apartment.

Dinner was tense, and Kyle thought perhaps Joe would head home afterward, but somehow found himself naked in his bed an hour later, with Joe's warm mouth wrapped around his dick. Despite his increasingly lukewarm feelings toward his boyfriend, Kyle hated to turn down sex, especially since they hadn't done it all week. In his mind, he was back in Stan's apartment, and it was Stan crawling up over him to give him a kiss, Stan's fingers exploring him, stretching him out. He was so lost in his imagination that he didn't hear himself sigh out Stan's name, as Joe stroked his prostate. Joe froze above him, and it was only then that Kyle realized what he'd said.

They stared at each other for a brief moment, as Kyle tried to think of something to say. But before he could think of anything, Joe's expression morphed from blank shock to something more terrifying.

"What was that?" he asked, with an enraged look Kyle had never seen upon his face, not even during the worst of their fights. He tried to stammer out a response, but Joe slapped him, hard.

Kyle yelped, and tried to shove Joe away, but his efforts were in vain, as Joe pushed his hands against the pillows, and then reached for his throat.

"Joe... s... stop, please," Kyle managed to choke out as Joe tightened his grip. He put his own hands over Joe's, attempting to pry his fingers off.

"I KNEW it!" Joe screamed, his face turning an ugly shade of red, "I knew you were cheating on me with that asshole!"

Joe released his death grip on Kyle's throat, shoving him away from him, and Kyle scrambled to get out of striking distance. He'd only gotten a few inches across the bed when Joe grabbed him again, this time by his thighs, pulling him back toward him. Kyle attempted to kick his angry boyfriend, just trying to get away, but Joe was much stronger than him, and laughed derisively.

"No you don't, you little whore," he snarled, flipping Kyle onto his back and pushing his knees back to his chest.

"Stop, please," he moaned, as Joe pushed into him roughly.

Joe ignored his plea, and started thrusting into him furiously, grabbing Kyle's face when he tried to turn away, fighting back tears.

"You're going to look at me when I fuck you, you bitch," Joe hissed at him, "Least you forget who it is that's fucking you."

Kyle gave up on not crying, and hoped it would all be over soon.

XXX

Stan was enjoying a quiet evening at home. Well, enjoying might not be the right word for it. He had all the things he usually needed for a nice, quiet Friday evening: a beer in his hand, a pizza next to him on the sofa, and a Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon running from his laptop to his TV. But instead of wallowing happily in this set-up like he usually did, Stan felt miserable. He didn't usually mind spending time by himself, but this week had been especially lonely. He'd had such a quick taste, so to speak, of what he might have had with Kyle, and after that everything else seemed awful by comparison. He'd called Kenny, and a few of his friends from school to see if anyone wanted to hang out with him tonight, but everyone was busy, so here he was, alone, a little buzzed, and feeling sorry for himself.

Around 11 he was thinking about giving up and going to bed, when someone knocked on his door. He grumbled as he got off the sofa, wondering who could be bothering him so late in the evening. Upon opening it he was delighted for a brief second that the boy who'd been haunting his thoughts all week was standing there, but that delight quickly turned to fear and anger when he saw the state he was in.  
>"Kyle, Jesus," he said, grasping him by the shoulders and pulling him into his apartment, "What the hell happened to you?"<p>

Kyle was shaking all over, and had clearly been crying for a while; his eyes were bloodshot and he had tear tracks all over his face. More concerning were the bruises on his neck and cheek. They weren't too dark, but definitely noticeable. Kyle tried to choke out an answer, but whatever words he'd been trying to form died in his throat, as he started to sob.

"Shhh, hey, come here," Stan whispered, taking Kyle into his arms and shutting the door behind him. He felt how hard Kyle was shaking as he eased into his arms, gripping the front of Stan's shirt and burying his face in his shoulder.

"S-sorry," Kyle whimpered as Stan rubbed his back and kissed his hair.

"What are you sorry for? What happened?"

Kyle just shook his head and gripped Stan's shirt even tighter. Eventually he calmed down enough to breathe properly, and Stan managed to guide him over to the sofa.

"I'm sorry," he tried again, "I shouldn't have come here."

Stan's heart skipped a beat, but Kyle hadn't yet pulled out of his arms, so there was still some hope for him.

"Why not?" he asked, trying to wipe the tears from Kyle's face with one hand as he looked up at him.

"Jesus, Stan, we didn't speak for like two years, and then I come crying to you when there's an emergency? There's something wrong with that. I should have gone to my mom, or- or Kenny, or one of my friends from school but... I felt like I needed you. And that just makes me feel worse, because I feel like I'm using you or something, like I don't have the right to bother you with this stuff anymore! Shit goes south with my boyfriend and I come to you? That's... I can't even begin to explain why that makes me feel bad."

Stan thought he felt his heart breaking as Kyle finally pulled out of his arms.

"Well," he began slowly, "Maybe... Well, I still have no idea what's going on, but you can always come to me, Kyle. Even when we weren't speaking you could have come to me. Dude, we were best friends our whole lives, and I never stopped caring about you. If you came to me before anyone else, don't you think that means something?"

Kyle didn't answer; just sat quietly on the sofa, playing with the zipper on his hoodie and looking anywhere but at Stan. He was still sniffling a little, but he'd managed to stop crying, finally.

"Will you at least tell me what happened? Please? Something with your boyfriend?" Stan said, gently stroking Kyle's cheek above where it was bruised.

"Yeah. We, ah, had a fight, I guess. Or something. He did that," he admitted with a sigh. Stan sat back in surprise.

"Wh... what? He... Why did he- Jesus Christ, I'm gonna kill him," he said standing up, pacing from the sofa to the kitchen, and then back again, stopping in front of Kyle on the sofa, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. He kneeled down at his feet, and took Kyle's shaking hands into his own.

"Tell me what happened. Please."

He could tell by the look on his face that Kyle was debating this request in his head, chewing on his lip as he stared back at Stan.

"He, um. Well he... got jealous. Of you."

"Jealous of what, exactly?" Stan asked, confused.

"I may have, uh... Well, it doesn't matter what I did. He'd suspected we'd done something ever since he picked me up last week, and I said something that set him off, and this is the result."

"Oh," said Stan, pausing to take a seat on his coffee table, not letting go of Kyle's hands. They were still shaking, but not as much as before. "What set him off?" he asked.

"I don't really, um, feel comfortable talking about this, Stan. It was scary, ok? I came to you for comfort, not an interrogation." He gave Stan a dirty look, and pulled his hands away, back into his own lap.

Stan was unsure how to proceed. He wanted to make Kyle feel better, wanted him to feel safe, but he couldn't get the image of Kyle cowering in some corner as Joe raised his fists to him out of his head. Was this an ongoing thing? Would Kyle just go back to Joe after he was done here with Stan? He sat back down next to Kyle on the sofa, eying him cautiously.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

Kyle sighed beside him, leaning against the arm rest. "I don't know. I guess I _wasn't_ thinking when I came here. It's just... I wanted someone to comfort me, I guess. And... um... I couldn't get you out of my head all week, to be honest. I just... I don't know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here, but I needed you."

He looked like he was going to start crying again, so Stan did the only thing he could think to do; he leaned over and pulled Kyle toward him, cradling him in his arms. He felt his friend resist for a second, but was relieved as Kyle quickly gave in, shifting from the sofa into his lap, resting his head on Stan's shoulder.

"I meant what I said, Kyle. Any time you feel like you need me, I'm here for you. I wish you'd tell me what happened, but I'm not going to force it out of you, ok? I just want to make you feel better."

"Thank you," he heard Kyle mumble.

"Any time," Stan answered. And he meant it.

XXX

Ugh, Jesus this chapter was a bugaboo to write! Um, so hope you enjoyed it, despite the unpleasantness. Please review!


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